With social media and dating apps at our disposal, finding a date has become easier than ever. We can even pay for exceptional matchmaking services if the internet alone can’t satisfy us. But while technology has helped create relationships, it also leads to many of us developing toxic habits that ruin our chances of getting into a serious relationship.
For one thing, social media is one huge avenue for comparing ourselves. When we can access the pages of our partner’s exes, we’d tend to compare ourselves to them and end up being jealous. If we don’t resolve this insecurity, it can thwart our confidence in our relationship, ultimately resulting in a nasty breakup.
And then we’d go back to the circle of finding a date, getting into a relationship, splitting up again, and repeat. If you’ve had enough of this vicious cycle, here are the things you need to do and those that you need to stop:
Do: Let go of the belief that you can only be happy when you’re in a relationship.
Some of us may thrive in a relationship, but that doesn’t mean that happiness is unattainable without it. If you believe that you’re only fulfilled when you have a significant other, you might hold on to a bad relationship to keep that false fulfillment.
If your social circle outcasts you for being the only single person in the group, that isn’t a reason to rush into dating, either. Instead, break the stigma toward single people because you can be someone awesome without a partner, too. Besides, your worth isn’t determined by how many or how long you’ve dated.
Don’t: Be emotionally unavailable.
If you’ve just gone through an awful breakup or a traumatic experience, set aside your dating plans for the meantime because the emotional wounds you’re harboring can put up walls around you. Forcing yourself to date may numb your emotions instead, making you unable to realize the potential worth of your match. Therefore, heal from your pain first, and return to the dating scene with a fresher perspective.
Do: Attract positive energy.
The Law of Attraction teaches us that if we want to achieve a certain goal, then we have to attract it. However, it doesn’t mean that our ideal partner will come to us in exactly the way we imagined them to be like. Rather, if we give off positive energy, love will naturally attract itself to us. It’s basically similar to positive thinking; if you fill your mind with only the good, then the less likely you are to feel blue even in the face of a challenge.
Don’t: Act desperate.
Many of us are probably unaware that we’ve acted desperate at least once while spending time with a potential mate. Such is when you overshare during your date, usually your first. To you, it may seem like you’re just transparent because you want to end the search once and for all. But to your date, it can come across as desperate. It makes you appear needy, dispelling a spark before it can even ignite.
Do: Remember that first impressions aren’t always reliable.
Some people become instantly disinterested in someone when they don’t feel a spark upon their first meeting. It could be because their date failed to make a good impression or not attractive enough. But first impressions are hardly reliable. Surely, your friends’ first impression of you is nowhere near your actual personality, too.
It always takes time to get to know a person, so give your date a chance, especially if they seem genuine and nice. A good way to test their personalities is to witness how they act under pressure. Do they get sulky when losing a game? Moody when they’re hungry? See the different sides of them, and you’ll know whether you’re compatible or not.
Don’t: Look for love.
It may seem ironic to stop looking for love when it’s exactly what you want to attract, but funnily enough, love comes when we stop looking for it. When you busy yourself with work, passion projects, and other pursuits, that’s when people tend to appear. That’s because focusing on other things that make you happy gives you an aura of confidence, which attracts love. Therefore, if there’s a specific venture that’s been in the back of your mind for the longest time now, this is the sign to start it.
Do: Be prepared for rejection.
Even if you attract all the positive energies and project yourself as a reliable, stable person, the chance of rejection still lingers. Everyone who seeks a serious relationship goes through rejection, sometimes you being rejected, or you rejecting someone. Either way, don’t let that take away your hope. Handle rejection with grace, and move on without holding grudges.
Finding real love either takes a long time or just an instant, so enjoy the process and be patient. Focus on developing yourself for your own benefit, rather than changing yourself to meet everyone’s standards.